Turning Into Black and White
by endless blue skies
Summary: Historical AU. Flashback to the 1920's. The time of cabarets and burlesque dancers, when New York was young with it's bright lights and glitter. Enter Blair Waldorf, a dancer with a twisted world, and Chuck Bass, a duke with money to burn.
1. Prolouge

**I've always been amused with the idea of 1920's burlesque and Historical CB fics. After watching Moulin Rouge after the billionth time this came to mind. I found myself thinking of what happened during Victor, Victrola and I realized that it had always been my favorite episode of the whole series. I've also been listening to A Fever You Can't Sweat Out by Panic! At The Disco all weekend and I just really couldn't get the idea of this fic off my mind. **

**I'm keeping canon pairings here, no Dair or Chenny or any of those crack!ships. It's somewhat like the S1 plot **_**but**_** Chuck and Blair do no know each other in the beginning. **

**I'm just testing the waters for this, if not much people review or subscribe i'll probably cut it. Idk if i'll continue. **

**-Danielle**

The smell of cigarettes and perfume fill the air as colors of all sorts fly around the dressing room. She stares at her reflection for a moment, taps the top of her dresser with her slender glove covered fingers impatiently as she lets out a heavy sigh.

Bright lights all around accompany the breezy laughter ringing in her ears. She brushes off her brown curls gingerly away from her shoulders, silently reminding herself of the days with clinking wine glasses and the possibility of love. She thinks of Nathaniel Archibald with his glassy stare and bronze hair. The way stray locks would fall onto his forehead and she would sweep them away softly before she would coyly plant a kiss on his lips.

He was her prince charming, it was legitimate as soon as they turned twelve when a business deal had been made between their parents stating that the two of them were to get wed at the age of eighteen.

But that was before her father, Harold, ran away to Paris with all their money, leaving the business deal a questionable feat.

The sound of the music takes her back, reminds her that she's not part of that life anymore. She lives in the night uniformed in shimmering corsets with lace and silk. Masks covering every face making it impossible to tell who she would be dancing for, when everything seems to move too fast. When everything is like a dream but it's nonetheless real.

"Blair," the leggy blond smiles in front of her, wearing white sequined lingerie and a mask making her seem birdlike in her features. "Ready?"

"Hold on for a second." she tells her. Serena bends down and brushes something on Blair's cheek.

"A little bird told me that a rich duke wants to invest on this place." the blond whispers in her ear. "If he does, we'll find richer company...maybe love."

She rolls her eyes. The thought of finding love in a cabaret was ridiculous. No prince charming would simply waltz in a burlesque looking to sweep a princess of her feet. As far as Blair was concerned none of them were even princesses.

"That's truly an improbable fantasy, S."

"Oh that's because you always have your corset too tight." Serena laughs, taking both of the brunette's hands. "Were young, Blair. We have to take risks and have fun." she tells her, pulling her to the stage. The piano starts playing and to Blair it's just another night with Serena taking the stage and every else's attention.

Curtains pull open. Orange, blue, yellow, green spotlights cover each centimeter of the cabaret. Masks hide every face, adrenaline fills her. It's the same scene every night. The feathers, tuxedos, lip-stick stained glasses and boisterous cheers from the men.

"Take a risk." Serena giggles in her ear before pushing her out towards the crowd onto someone wearing a silver mask and sleek black tuxedo.

"Hello." he rasps as she pulls him by his tie and then lets go. She almost expects him to yell out like all the others. _Where you goin' beautiful?_ But he surprisingly doesn't, making her bite her lip and giggle a bit as she walks away.

She leaves him. She fucking leaves him with her feathered ass shaking in the air. He watches her strut away and she's teasing him with her perfectly toned thighs out for everyone to see. That's when the blond takes her place and smirks at him.

"You wanna have some fun tonight?" she purrs in his ear.

"You have no ide-" he gets cut off by the brunette taking the stage. Legs up, hands all over herself. She bends and spins, he pretends she's dancing for him, her eyes piercing through his. "Who is that?"

The blond giggles and starts unbuttoning his button down shirt. "Oh that's nobody." she whispers. "Come on."

He pulls away from her and stands up from his seat, fixes his shirt and walks towards her slowly.

He ignores the whispers of the other girls he passes by, keeps his eyes on _her_. His girl with the scarlet colored mask and chestnut curls, dancing like there's no one else in the room. His girl. He likes the sound of it and keeps thinking of her in his mind and everything else disappears. He can see only her, hear only the music.

He extends his hand towards the tantalizing brunette who stares at him for a moment. She smirks and breaks eye contact. The scent of her perfume lingers around his nose as she dances away. The lights cascade down her body like curtains, he wants to feel her shiver under his touch and hear her whisper his name.

Nothing was going to stop him from making that happen.

He grabs her by the waist and places his lips on hers. She pulls away and smiles. "Well aren't you just the cat's meow." she purses her lips. "You like games?"

He looks down and chuckles. "Depends on what were playing for." she giggles, places her hand on his cheek and then turns around. She's teasing again.

"Tell me your name first." she faces him again.

"I'm Chuck Bass." he says it proudly with a smug expression. It's a line he's said too many times before and never has he said it with more pride. "And yours?"

"Maybe you'll find out." his girl grins and spins away into the crowd.


	2. What's your name, sweetheart?

**I am overwhelmed by the number of reviews this is getting. Thank you dearest readers! I cannot fathom how ace you all are for liking this! I really want to kiss you all right now. So, i've decided to continue on. Sorry for the delay though, you know how it gets during Christmas week. Au revior!**

**If anyone is willing enough to Beta, please please message me. My apostrophe's and semicolons seem to be ! Reviews would be very very lovely if that's not too much to ask.**

**-Danielle**

**Oh, also, I might be adding some Dan/Serena/Nate here. Idk yet. I have an idea for their plot~ Yes/No?**

She lights a cigarette, watches the stars twinkle in the sky from the cabaret's terrace. Thinks of Nate again, of the heart shaped pink diamond ring inside the square velvet box tucked somewhere at home. She recalls faintly the night he had given her that ring, the words he had spoken. _It's a family heirloom, Blair._ She remembers how it had sparkled on her finger, how she wore it everyday and showed it to her friends.

"Taking a break?" a voice asks from behind, she closes her eyes as she blows out some smoke and smirks. It was _him_. The boy with the dishevelled brown hair and dark eyes. She says his name in her mind, plays with it over and over as if it were hers to own. _Chuck Bass_. Oh, the way he had said it made her insides flutter.

"I suppose that's what you call it." she mutters disdainfully, his hands find her hips and she lets them rest there. He lets out a sigh, his warm breath hitting her cheek. It feels as if the smoke is clouding up her mind, the darkness of the night overshadowing her own thoughts. She could not decide wether or not she liked him. This Chuck Bass. How he had followed her and took her hand. How his hands were on her hips.

She thinks of the things Georgina taught her when she first came in. _Don't even think about falling in love just stop thinking and be reckless._ She runs the words in her head and whispers the word reckless under her breath. Being reckless didn't really help Georgina, who ran away with a baby in her belly and too much alcohol in her system.

"You have another?" he asks in a voice so smooth she swears she can melt in his grasp.

She quickly composes herself and pulls away. "You'll have to get your own, darling." she blows out another puff. "And how did you get up here? It is a private place for the dancers."

"There is no sign specifying so, is there not?" Chuck squints his eyes at her.

"I suppose so, Mr. Bass. Now, what do you want?" she heaves a sigh, her heels impatiently tapping the hardwood floor. He shakes his head.

"Oh, nothing. Just to dance under the moonlight." he drawls, looking devilishly handsome.

"Then you can go outside." she gestures sharply to the ground below them. Chuck takes her hands and pulls her closer until his forehead is leaning agaisnt hers. She takes in his scent, musk and heavy cologne. "I'm afraid this is no place for that."

"This isn't a place for you either, isn't it?" he remarks snidely.

She ignores this, takes in the moment. "You know how to sweep a girl off her feet, don't you?"

"Oh, sweetheart, I know how to do more than that." he purrs in her ear, his lips move to her neck. She closes her eyes and buries her face in his hair.

"Same as everyone else." she tells him. "They claim to know much but they don't, you know?" Blair pulls away because she was close._ Too close_.

"Let's not play coy now. How much will it take for me to bring you home for the night?" he asks with leering eyes. She's not surprised with how straight forward he is. She knows why he's there, why else would he come to a burlesque in the silence of night? Surely not to flirt with the dancers or sweep anyone off their feet. He was like the others with their greedy stares and lust driven ways.

He was there for the scantilly clad girls who sold their bodies to pay off whatever debt they owed, for the glitter and giggles under the spotlights. Where he could _be_ anyone and _take_ anyone. She raises her eyebrow at him. "Maybe we can negotiate something in your hotel room?"

"Shall I take you now?" he grins, his gaze hungrily undressing her.

She presses her lips agaisnt the cigarette in between her fingers and turns her attention to the night sky. "Tell me why you're here first, Mr. Bass. I've met numerous men with different reasons but somehow almost the same." she says in a slow tone and remembers the usual excuses. How she would listen to them all beside the dim glow of a lamp before they undressed her with desire. "His wife died, nobody likes him, he needed to forget a girl. All of them were lonely...but you, it seems like you can pick up any lady you like." She wonders why he had put on a mask and chased after a girl for an hour or so. Why he had ignored the leggy blonde who was all over him.

"It is possible that I may be crazy or perhaps i'm just looking for some easy way to fullfill my pleasures." he whispers in her ear. He was fox, this Chuck Bass. He had known how to seduce a woman, how to pick someone up and take them away in one swift beat. Surely, he was not there for easy company like the others.

She shakes her head. "No, I do not believe so. I've proven to not be easy on you, if you wanted easy you would've simply picked up my blonde friend who, I have to say, has taken quite an interest on you."

"What if I tell you I wanted to find love?"

She knows this is a joke and she laughs. "Love? You simply cannot find love in a place like this. Indeed, you _must_ be crazy."

She thinks of the girls dancing under the vibrant colors, who sway to the slow seductive music and she thinks of how they look for love. How they search for wordly possesions.

"Oh, I am simply joshing." she faces him now, she watches the smirk form on his lips and imagines what it would be like to have hers pressed agaisnt them. She thinks of how he had tasted down on the dance floor. Like scotch and smoke with the faintest hint of his musk lingering in the air. How his lips were soft and pouty as hers met his. "I'm here on account of some bussiness." he suddenly says.

"And what bussiness is that? Seducing young women?"

"I'll tell you," he whispers. Her hands find the nape of his neck, she grazes the skin lightly before she moves on to the knot of his mask hidden under tufts of brown hair. She stops thinking for a moment, turns off her thoughts. "if you give me your name." she closes her eyes as he says this, lets out a sigh before pulling the string. She watches the mask hit the ground before she studies his face carefully. His dark brown eyes gaze into hers intently as if he were waiting for a reaction. She's not surprised to find a handsome face hidden under.

Her fingers move to his cheeks, just where the lights cast shadows on. No words come out as she traces the lines of his face.

"Say something." he says but it sounds more like a plead.

"I-" the problem is, she has nothing. It feels as if the words are lost somewhere in the glitz and colors of the cabaret. There are no answers where they usually are, she looks away, tries to think straight. Tries to forget how his eyes look and how his lips tasted.

She hears the faint sound of heels clacking against floor. "B!" the blonde's voice echoes along the corridor. "B, where are you?" she calls out, louder this time.

"Shit." Blair mutters under her breath as she steps on the cigarette. "Not supposed to smoke, you know? Gives us wrinkles, no one likes wrinkles." she whispers to Chuck.

But he ignores her remark, his eyes squinted in deep thought. He places a finger over his pouty pink lips, tapping it repeatedly. "B? B for?"

"Bank's closed, hot shot. Maybe next time." she winks, placing a kiss on his cheek before walking off. She spots the blonde with her hands on her hips and smiles. "What?"

Serena rolls her blue eyes before questioning. "Who was with you?"

"Nobody," she says, her voice tight. "just a desprate client."

_Nobody, just a desprate client._ Rings through his ears repeatedly, he will not just stand there and be insulted. Chuck Bass has his pride as well, he will not let a girl who does nothing but hide under the safety of a masquerade mask take it away from him. He pulls the mask back on along with his deep mysterious facade, the one she cannot read as he is so positive that she watches each letter and sentence written on his every expression. He follows her voice inside the somewhat hollow corridors of the second floor of the burlesque house, passing through more lush seats, bright curtains with lace.

"You left him there?" the blonde asks. "B, you know only we're allowed there."

He clears his throat, the two turn their heads in his direction. He takes out a cigerette stick from his pocket and waves it to the brunette. "You forgot this, doll." He can have a little fun too, right?

"What in blazes are you talking about?" she questions angrily, her hands balled up into fists.

Chuck Bass knows how to play games as well as the brunette knows how to tease. "Oh, _B_, did you forget our little rendezvous already? I would've thought I was more than a mere _client_." he drawls, moving the cigarette in a lazy circular motion. "Come on, let's take another drag."

"You, Mr. Bass, are most certainly full of baloney." she huffs, placing her tiny hands on her hips.

"Oh, I am also crazy. Am I not?" he grins slyly, walking closer to the two. "But you said it yourself, I've certainly swept you off your feet, haven't I?"

"On the contrary, only damsels in distress are swept off their feet." she counters, he rolls his eyes for dramatic effect.

"You make it seem as if you are one."

"Only because you're the one putting me in distress!" she retorts angrily, looking as if she were to hit him. He steps back just in case.

"You two are giving me a headache." the blonde groans, her hands on her temples. "You know we're not allowed to smoke, B."

"It's not like you don't break any rules, S." The brunette sneers, the blonde places her hands on her hips, sequins on her dress sparkling under the dim glow of the yellow lights and shakes her head slowly.

"Don't even start with me, you know that was one time!"

Chuck smiles at the two. "Ladies, ladies. There's no need to fight." He looks in the his girl's doe brown eyes hidden amongst the chestnut curls and the scarlet mask covering most of her porcelain face. Her ruby lips form a frown aimed at him. He does not acknowledge it, and if he were to dare watch them (which he will not), it will be the end and he will lose nothing but his pride. (And his pride was the only thing that actually mattered.) So he looks away.

"If you do not mind, Mr. Bass, my friend and I shall get going. It's awfully late and we have to get to somewhere." she tells him in a way she wants to let him know that she doesn't want him. "Perhaps tomorrow."

He holds on to that perhaps and grins. "_Perhaps_."

**A/N: Happy new year to everyone! Please tell me what you think of this chapter! Oh and please please message me if you can Beta! Thank you so much.**


	3. I've missed you a lot

**Thank you everyone, yet again, for the wonderful reviews! I must warn you all, there is **_**alot of Nate and alot of love for Nate in this chapter both coming from Chuck and Blair**_**. Discussion of the past and what-not. Why Blair doesn't know Chuck, why Nate hasn't visited Blair and all.**

**Also, school is back and I need to focus more on my studies. Ew, I sound like a nerd but I flunked Biology and Statistics. Oops. And we have this National Achievement test thing that I can't fail unless I don't want to move on to Junior year. I'll be hitting books. (Both literally and figuratively.) So, I apologize for any late and/or craptastic chapters.**

He stares out his hotel room with a glass of scotch in his grasp as he slowly runs his fingers along the rim. Keeps his gaze focused on every brunette that passes by on the street below him, thinks of his girl from the past night and the possibilty of any of them being her. Her ruby lips and porcelain skin won't leave his mind, how he had touched her and how she had touched him. She had said perhaps, _perhaps_ meaning it might possibly happen. _Perhaps_ meaning he's going to _make_ it happen.

"Still brooding I see, didn't I leave you like this a year ago?" A voice behind him asks, he can hear the smile in the other boy's voice. He turns around, finds sandy blonde hair and bright blue eyes infront of him. He looks down to hide the obvious grin his mouth has formed.

"Nathaniel." he greets his best friend, Nate pulls him in for a tight hug. He has missed the blonde boy with his sunshine and easy smile, it reminds him that it's been so long since they last saw each other.

It was in Paris, a few years back, when Bart had stowed him away from his city (_his kingdom_) due to the death of his mother, when his father wanted to forget and pretend as if she was never alive (And that Chuck was not his son). There, Chuck had learned to drink all his troubles away and indulge himself by being surrounded by French women. He had gained the knowledge of how money bought him happiness and helped him lose his troubles. It was during those years he had lost contact with anyone from New York until a summer ago.

When Nate had visited with his shimmering hair and carefree laugh, he had realized how much the blonde boy had changed. How much he, himself had changed. It was probably the way Nate rambled on about the soon to be liquor ban and sailing in the Hamptons that made him miss the New York breeze in the Fall and sometimes-snow in the winter or perhaps the mention of proposing to a girl made him fear that Nate was moving on and leaving him behind.

(_"I'm proposing to her, to Blair Waldorf." he muttered. "I'm giving her my mother's old ring. You're going to like her, Chuck. She's smart and pretty. Everybody thinks we're perfect." he said losing the color in his voice. He made it sound as if getting married were some kind of death sentence._)

Nonetheless, there was something about Nate that made him get off his arse and buy a ticket back to New York.

"I didn't expect you to visit so soon." Chuck rasps as they pull away from each other.

Nate shakes his head. "My father saw your arrival on the newspaper the other day. I would've visited earlier but my mother told me to let you rest first. She said surely you must still be tired." he tells Chuck with a laugh.

"I would prefer no other company but yours, Nathaniel." he assures with a sentimental grin. Chuck spoke the truth because it was the only way he ever spoke to Nate. He believed that only Nate deserved it, not the girls from the lowly prostitute houses or the snotty society people with their judging looks. No, it was Nate with his innocent ways that never made Chuck feel as if he were not a monster but somebody who deserved to know someone like Nate.

"As do I." he chuckles, taking a seat on an armchair. "Is that scotch?" he points to the glass in Chuck's hand.

"I got it from a speakeasy somewhere in the Lower West Side. I would've bought home some from Paris but Bart had my bags checked." he rolls his eyes. "The old bird claims that I will ruin his name in the city by bringing shameful things that will 'cause scandal."

Nate laughs at this. "Is scandal not your middle name?"

"Indeed." he smirks, looks at Nate for a second and remembers the last summer yet again. He shakes the glass in his hand. "What has happened since we last met?"

He ponders for a moment and then looks at Chuck. "Ah, nothing much I must say... It seems as if your arrival is the most news I've heard."

"What about that girl of yours? The one you had given your mother's ring?" he asks, pouring Nate a glass of scotch and hands it to him. "Are supposed to be tied down by now? The Waldorf girl, was she?"

"Oh yes, I've proposed but have you not heard? Mr. Waldorf ran away to Paris with all their money. I am quite surprised your father has not run into Harold." Nate says, his tone was dead and expression blank. "My parents have been rethinking the engagement and they haven't permitted me to see her." he shrugs.

"Do you _want_ to see her?" Chuck counters, raising his eyebrow skeptically.

"Well, she _is_ my fiancée." he says it af he wants to tell it to himself.

"Nathaniel, if I didn't know you better I would say you didn't want to marry this girl."

Nate finishes his glass in one gulp and coughs. "I do, I really do. I've known her since we were kids and she's really the only choice and she's really something, I must tell you that."

Chuck shakes his head in dismay. The problem with Nate was that he had his head in the clouds, stuck in some fantasy that his life were to be perfect if he simply followed what everyone else told him to do and followed he did. The boy barely made any descisions for himself.

"What about the Penelope girl?" he faintly recalls the girl who had her hands all over Nathaniel during the family dinners together. "She's a choice."

"She left town a few years ago. I do not know why, the paper said it was because she was devastated when Blair and I had started dating." He makes it sound as if it were nothing to him. "Chuck, I'm engaged to Blair._ I love her_."

"In that case, I know nothing of love." he lets the subject go and shifts onto another. "I am investing on a burlesque house a few blocks away from the Palace. It's called the Victrola." he smirks.

"I've never heard of it, shall you take me tonight?"

Chuck claps his hands. Oh, how he loves Nate who doesn't judge or care. "I do believe you just read my mind."

"What's it like? Cabarets, the night life?" Nate questions. Chuck wants to laugh at how Nate is so innocent, how easy it would for him to make Nate see the way he had lived in Paris. The dim lights, exotic music. A little touch, a little feel. How it would be so easy to corrupt Nate's innocence. He smirks and pours himself another glass of scotch.

"It's stunning. The girls, the music." It's an understatement but Chuck Bass is not usually a man of words. "There was a girl last night."

"Ah, I see." Nate nods. "A girl, you say? I have yet to hear you talk about any kind of girl. Is it love?" Surely, Nate was worldly enough to see any kind of mention of a girl meant love.

He starts to laugh. "Ofcourse it is not, I just did not get her. There has never been a girl I could not get." Chuck smirks because he's Chuck Bass and he can get anyone. He's got the money, the looks and the words. His name practically yells out the word classy. "I will get her."

"Another Chuck Bass conquest, I do recall the one last time. I believe we were so young then." Nate muses. "We both remember how well that ended."

"Ah, but we were naive. We simply did not understand yet." he frowns, recalling the first girl he had followed around like a lost puppy. He feels ashamed to remember how he gave the girl flowers and cards everyday. How she giggled, tossed her hair back only to leave him hanging. When they kissed for the first time, Chuck realized she was not worth his time and left her. He remembers the name for a minute, thinks of her as a lost memory. Her chocolate colored locks in the sunlight, her tiny fingers entwined with his. He will never forget her as much as he will ever try. _Georgina Sparks_.

"My parents were probably already planning my engagement then, seeing as Blair had made me dress up as her groom for when I visited." Nate says breezily as he played with something on his sweater. "She gave me this sweater, you know? I found this pin the other day. Her heart on my sleeve."

"A romantic gesture, I take it?" Chuck pauses for moment. "She sounds terribly domesticated, it's as if she were already your wife."

"Ah, you are wrong there. She is in love, I suppose. She used to tell me everyday."

He shakes his head again and frowns. "I will never understand love, Nathaniel."

"And that is why you will never marry and have children." He lets out a loud laugh. Surely, Nate did you understand who he was talking to. He was Chuck Bass who did not believe in committment. He was investing on a strip club for God's sake.

"I'd be damned before any smaller Basses run around this city." he throws his head back, tapping the glass of the window slowly. "You should know me well enough."

"How could I not." he tells Chuck with a small smile.

"Indeed, how could you not." he pats Nate's shoulder affectionately because he saves the smiles, keeps the sugar-coated words and lies in his mouth and opens his heart to Nate and only Nate. "Now, shall I send Arthur to pick you up tonight at nine?"

"Make it ten, I will be visiting Blair tonight."

"Ah, breaking the rules? That is very unlike you. I see the thought of romance has seeped into your mind as well." Chuck puts his finger towards Nate's face, slowly tilting it to the side and back.

"I have decided upon it just now. Blair is different and I should be very lucky to have her accept my proposal." he shrugs as if the idea were nothing to him, as if it were a mere object he was stuck with and he decided was fine with him. He gets up, straightens his suit. "I should go now."

"I shall see you tonight then." Chuck nods. "Do not forget."

"I won't." Nate smiles.

The sound of knocking has her racing to the front door, earning her a loud_ Ladies don't run, Blair!_ from Eleanor upstairs. She tugs at her sundress and blows out a huff. They've never gotten visitors since their dirty laundry had been aired out infront the whole city. She tries to catch her breath before she pulls the door open but when she does she's caught off guard.

She's met with blue eyes hidden under a mop of bronze hair under the sunlight. The same eyes that have gazed into to hers a few months ago with the same sunny expression, how he held her in his arms and kissed her lips slowly. How he was the only person she ever believed, how he made everything worth it. Words are stuck in her throat, there is no air in her lungs. Blue collides with brown. She can't think straight. She resists the urge to kiss him hello like many times before.

"Nate." she breathes out the word. It feels too foreign on her lips. It's not the same as before. "Wha-you're here."

"I-yes. I am." he nods slowly as if he couldn't believe it himself. "Can I...can I come in?" he asks.

"Yes. Ofcourse." she says unsurely and she reminds herself that she's supposed to hate him. How he didn't even dare visit as soon as the filthy paper ruined their lives, how he only chose now to come over. She's not supposed to want to kiss him or feel like everything is going to get better just because he was there again. He walks past her, the scent of his cologne lingering in the air as she closes the door slowly. "I should get you something to drink." she mutters.

He takes a long sweeping look around the mess her father has left them. Their living room is empty without some of the chairs and paintings that used to fill it with color. "No, it's fine. I had stopped by a friend's house." he waves his hand and takes a seat on the love seat. He pats it as if to tell her to sit next to him.

She's unsure for a moment but hesitantly takes the empty spot. "What are you-why are you here?"

"I thought we needed to discuss what has happened in the past months." Her heart beats quickly, all the cliches fill her mind. She balls her hands into fists.

"I-what is there to discuss." It's not a question.

He ignores it and takes her hand in his, and looks down at it. "You're not wearing my ring." It's not a question either. Blair pulls her hand away and shakes her head.

"That's what happens when your fiancé doesn't show up for months." she snaps at him. She doesn't mean to do it but she does. The look on his face changes, it's not anymore the sunny smile he always wears. "I-i'm sorry."

"No, no. It's fine. I was hoping we could talk about what happened.. I-I should be sorry." he stammers, making her raise her eyebrow at him questioningly. "And I am. I am. I'm sorry. I-I had to think straight, I didn't know what to do, okay? I panicked. I'm sorry."

She shakes her head at him, he pulls her hand again and squeezes it. "I don't know, Nate. " she mumbles. "You-"

"I'm really sorry, Blair." his eyes are pleading, the walls break down and the Blair Waldorf facade falls off. She can't hide under a masquerade mask this time, she can't pretend not to feel anything for Nate. "I found this pin on my sweater the other day. You should take it back."

"I put it there so...you'd always have my heart on your sleeve." it comes out as a whisper. She had forgotten about it until now. "You should... You should keep it. I gave it to you." The way she feels about him, it hasn't changed. He'll always have her heart, she can't change that.

"I can't imagine you not wanting it back after all I have done."

"It does not change the way I feel about you, Nate."_ The way I will_ always_ feel about you_.

"I'm sorry." he pulls her in and she gets pulled in until their lips meet for a second. (_Two, three, four, five..._) She can't stay mad at him because he's Nate and she's Blair. He's her prince charming. The way her name sound perfect with his. _Mrs. Blair Archibald_. "I love you." he whispers. Words are stuck in her throat, it's been months since she heard those words.

"Me too." she says. "Always have, always will." she breathes out, Nate kisses her again or she kisses him. She's not really sure, it's all too fast.

"A wedding in July with all our friends. You'll be in your white dress, the one your mother wore. That's what you wanted, right?"

"Yes, a wedding in July." she agrees, her mind spinning. She's not sure if it's Nate heavy musk or the way her lips are still tingling. "That's only a few month from now."

"Yes, it is but is that not what you want?" he repeats the question and she does not know how to answer it.

"It is, it is. I just cannot believe it." she smiles unsurely, not knowing how to react at Nate's sudden enthusiasm. He had never been this happy before. "I-I really love you." her lips are on his again, her fingerr wrap around his tie and pulls him in closer. She needs to feel him again and remember what there had been before. White dresses flowing in the summer breeze, his hands on her waist.

She has to remind herself that he left her. Alone.

Her eyes are closed when she hears Eleanor's voice from the other room. "Blair? Who was at the door?" she calls out, Nate pulls away and wipes his lips with the back of his older woman appears by the doorway, hands on her heart. Blair rolls her eyes. "Nathaniel. You should've called me, Blair, darling."

"I did not think he would stay long, mother."

"Yes, I shall go now, I only wanted to talk to Blair about our wedding." It's the way he says _our wedding_ that makes her feel like giggling. Eleanor's face falls.

"The wedding? What about the wedding?" she asks with a forlorn expression as she fingers her pearl necklace nervously.

"It's in July. I told Blair that I am to call Penelope or Hazel." Nate explains, her mother lets out a sigh of relief.

"How are your parents?" Eleanor asks.

He nods slowly and Blair wants the scene to end already. "They are fine. I shall get going they must be looking for me already." he tells them, placing a kiss on Blair's cheek slowly. He nods to Eleanor and walks out.

And Blair's just scared that he might not return again.


	4. You are the one who lies close to me

**I'm sorry I haven't been very active with this. I've been busy with so many things and the recent Gossip Girl episodes haven't exactly been that good or inspiring. **

**This fan fic isn't so easy to write either.**

**Anyone know Christofer Drew, The Maine or We The Kings? I saw them a few weeks ago. They were so **_**amazing**_**. Can I just tell you all how attractive John and Kenny are in person? Oh and Chris was such a sweetheart! Can I tell you all about it? No? Sorry.**

**I'm hoping you guys haven't given up on me because I haven't given up on you guys yet.**

Serena gracefully slides down on the plush chair next to Blair, clad in shimmering light blue colored lingerie with a silver mask covering her dazzling eyes. Her fingers are wrapped around the base of a bottle of gin as she giggles at their reflections in the mirror. She places her long slender legs on top of the brunette's lap. "Oh my G-g-od, B." she hiccups. "I fucking love-" Another hiccup. "-you and champagne."

Blair laughs at her best friend. "Oh God, S." she says, pulling the bottle away from the blonde. She presses her glossy lips agaisnt the cool tip of the bottle and feels the gin fill her mouth. "I'm getting married." she breathes out in disbelief. She's not sure if it's really true, she wants to slap herself everytime she thinks about it just to be sure it's real and not just one of her fantasies. "I'll be gone from here, S. I've found it. I've found love."

"Because we're gon-" a hiccup. "-gonna run away." the blonde pauses for a minute as Blair takes another gulp of gin. "You can-" she hiccups again. The lights around them appear blurry. The brunette feels like she's floating. "You c-can't get married to him."

"Why can't I?" she pouts, the music starts the other girls fly around the room in a sudden flurry. She doesn't want to move just yet. "It's Nate were talking about, Serena."

"Shhhhhh." she giggles, her finger pressed against her ruby lips. "You don't love him because you love me. You're going to get married to me." the blonde whispers softly.

"I wish I could," It's not a lie. Serena had taken her when nobody else had, with Serena she was herself. Not the proper lady everybody wanted to make her out to be, she was anyone she wanted with the blonde.

"You will." the blonde urges, dropping her toned legs onto the hardwood floor. "You love me more than that Natie boy, I can tell you that," she smiles giddily, obviously trying to contain more giggles and hiccups.

"You're my best friend." Blair smiles brightly, gulping down the last of the gin. It's true. It's fucking true, Serena was her best friend. Not Penelope or Hazel, it was Serena.

"I know I am." she hiccups, standing up. Blair watches Serena sort of shimmy under the blinding lights of the empty dressing room, she moves in a drunken way with her sunshine hair flying around her face. It reminds the brunette of being nine again, Blair laughs. "I'm your gorgeous blonde friend who you love for-" she hiccups for the tenth time. "-fucking ever." she says proudly, pulling Blair up with her cold hands. "Now we gotta go to the show because Kati and Iz are here and they wanna upstage us and they can't."

They're both drunk and out of their minds when they rush out to the cabaret's dance floor, only wanting the high of the alchohol to hit them slowly and the thought of mistakes to make them numb until tomorrow comes. It feels like there is no tomorrow and Blair wants to be reckless for one last time (or maybe for the first time). She searches the crowd to find him, the handsome boy who wanted to know her name. Maybe she'll tell him this time and maybe she'll let him touch her. No, no. This time she will.

_Chuck Bass_. She whispers, it dances along and falls off her candy lips as she scans the room. The brunette fiddles with her pearls absentmindedly while her doe brown eyes look for his. She spots him in the same mask as the night before, he's with another boy whose whole face hidden under a glistening silvery mask, only showing a sea of blue eyes that reminds her of someone else's but it is just a small thought to her and she pushes it away. She sways her slender hips, spinning around as feathers and ruffles cover her all around. She glides towards him gracefully in a way only Blair Waldorf can, she smirks when he catches her in his arms.

"Hello." he whispers smoothly. "My boy, if you'll excuse me." Chuck says to the one with blue eyes. He does not say a word, only nods and walks away. "Maybe we can talk tonight, sweetheart?"

"No talking." she purrs, running her hands over his chest. His scent is no doubt same as the other night, it lingers around the air. She takes him in and tries to forget everything. "Just you and me."

His lips form a smug expression, he raises his eyebrow questioningly. "Oh? Will you tell me your name after?"

"If you're good." she smiles, taking his hand. She leads him into the now dim dressing room. The music from outside is slow and sultry, she pushes him onto a sofa and grins. "How many women have you been with, Mr. Bass?"

He pulls her by her hips in one quick motion, her knees between his thighs, his hands tracing circles along her back. "Oh, i've been with many." he tells her slowly. "Truthfully, i've never seen anyone as gorgeous as you."

"You are a very convincing liar." she rolls her eyes. "Has anyone ever told you that?" Her fingers play with his dark brown hair as he smirks.

"I am, truly." he nods slowly with a chuckle. "Alas, this time I am telling you the truth." She doesn't believe him but lets the subject go, his lips are warm on her bare skin. She closes her eyes and lets him touch her. She feels the alchohol make it's way down, she's warm and she doesn't want to think at all.

"Have you ever fallen in love?" she asks, tossing her arms over his shoulders. She's not sure why she asks it but she suddenly wants to know. Chuck leaves more kisses along her collarbone, she can feel him smiling as his lips meet her skin.

He laughs at this as if it were a cruel joke. "Love?" he says in disbelief. "Love is a petty thing. It is trivial, there are much more things of importance that money can buy."

"That is an atrocious thought, Mr. Bass." she grins, pulling his tie slowly to make his lips meet hers. Their tongues dance, his hands find the small of her back. She shivers at his touch.

"Have you not heard?" he pauses to take off his mask. "Atrocious is my middle name." his eyebrows are raised as if she was the last one to know, his eyes glisten under the dim orange lights.

"But you _must_ believe in love." She's on a high tonight. Love is exactly what she feels right now. She's too happy. Maybe it's because she's engaged or maybe it's Nate. "Isn't it love that makes the world go round?"

Chuck pulls off his tie, she unbuttons his shirt in a quick huff and waits for an answer. "It's not. I do not believe in such."

"_I_ do. It's wonderful." Blair tells him slowly as the boy kisses her neck, she breathes.

"I thought you didn't want talking?" he mutters before pressing his lips agaisnt hers. She can't breathe. He's too good.

"I need to know why you don't believe in love." she pulls away, her curls fall over her eyes. Chuck lips fall on her collarbone, his hands move to her thighs. "Did somebody break you?"

"You don't have to know." he growls in her ear as he rips off part of her chemise. "Let's just get caught up in the moment."

"You talk too much." she whispers as his kisses trail lower and lower. She lets out a moan. A giggle comes from the corner and it's Serena's. Blair knows it's Serena's.

Chuck pulls away, her drunk best friend stares at her with those sparkling eyes. She's with the boy, the other boy Chuck was with and Blair can only assume they've chosen the dressing room for their own bussiness as well.

She falls onto the floor. What had she been doing? This was reckless, this was something Serena did. She was Blair Waldorf, the woman Nathaniel Archibald had asked to marry him just a few months ago. She had built her name in society and watched it fall into pieces. She was going to make a comeback and this was not how she wanted it to happen. Quickly, she pulls her clothes-or whatever she was wearing before-on and scurries out as she mutters a weak 'Sorry' to Chuck and Serena.

The night is young, the stars twinkle overhead as Blair runs away from the glowing lights of the cabaret. Water splashes under her feet, the decadent lingirie looks nothing under the dim streetlights in the ratty New York alleyway. Realizing her actions, Blair pulls off her mask and leans her back onto the cool cemented walls. She was stupid, no wonder Nate had chosen not to speak to her. She was pathetic.

The brunette lets out a huff and hugs her knees tightly. The rain pours above her, soaking her china doll features and lace bodice. The sound of footsteps move closer and closer, the boy-Chuck Bass-had followed her out. She stares up at him, squints her does brown eyes and groans.

"You don't owe me." she tells him snarkily.

"I never said I did." Chuck rasps as he tries to catch his breath. He looks at her and sits down next to her.

"Why are you here?" she asks, pulling away from him. "If you are here to finish whatever it is that happened here-"

"What is your name?"

"You are not going to give up on that, are you?" Standing up, she groans. "I'm afraid you won't be needing since you already seen through my mask." the brunette sighs and walks away. He does not follow this time because why would he follow somebody as pathetic as Blair Waldorf?

**This sort of short and honestly, I'm not too proud but it's summer break here and I'll have more time to write! Yay! :-) Reviews are always nice. :-)**


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